I just had to take a small break here and say a few words about this girl.
I have been reminded several times lately of how I will probably someday regret spending all of my "free" time editing photos of her, and next to no time taking videos and/or keeping a diary of all the funny things she says at this magical age.
When she was two, I was a great one for saying "What terrible twos? This is the BEST age ever!"
Until, that is, she turned three, and proceeded to become even more awesome by the day, until I can hardly remember how amazing she was at two.
What will become of me when she turns four, I wonder?
Her name is Flynn, by the way, for those who don't already know. Or at least Flynn is the name that we decided to give her when we started the process of adopting her. Because others in our family have started out in one country and ended up in another, have changed their names back and forth at different stages of life, we always intended to give her a choice of names. So that legally, she has at least three.
In many ways, Flynn turns out to suit her perfectly. She is an inveterate tomboy, a daredevil, and an honorary pirate. And yet, although we expected to call her Flynn once she came to the US, we started out calling her Q in China, and have called her Q ever since. Q being my blog abbreviation for her Chinese name. Having been born with a cleft, with continuing surgeries, she is unable at this point to pronounce certain sounds, her name being among those. So that for the past year or two she has called herself "Hee-hee" and then "Hoo-hoo" as her pronunciation has evolved.
At this point, I do not see myself calling her anything but Q in the immediate future, even though I can well imagine her calling herself Flynn as she enters her teens or even tweens.
But I digress.
My real point in this post is to explain that I am completely and utterly besotted with this girl in every imagineable way. Every day I love her more desperately, and it's more and more difficult to come up with words that express my devotion to her.
On an ordinary day, she is like a low-grade fever for me, hovering over my consciousness and exerting her narcotic powers over my limbic brain.
And then, at odd moments, I am knocked out at the knees by an overwhelming fear of losing her. It's like a dart gun to the back of my spine, and a terrible voice deep inside me screams "I cannot lose this child!" and "Come anywhere near her and I will rip your eyeballs out with my bare hands!"
Yes, I would take a bullet for her. Yes, I would give up all my hopes and dreams for her. In a heartbeat. Without hesitating.
Part of me says that any mother would do that for any child, but another part of me says that no one has ever loved a child this much in the history of mankind.
Honestly, I don't know what to believe. I am drugged. I am besotted. I will never be the same again.
Somehow, this amazing child came into my life, and I can never do enough to deserve her.
That smile, that voice, that laugh. Greater than gold. Greater than rubies.
She is a diamond as big as the Ritz.
There are no words.